Camino Letters 


Today marks two months since you left and the last sixty days have been so unreal. I still hope that I’ll wake up from this bad dream at any moment now. 

Last week this time I was franticly rushing to get everything in order before I left for Spain. I was so content as I knew exactly why I had to do this. I had a plan and that plan was to make peace with the fact that you left. Now, almost a week later, I am starting to wonder wether it is possible to replace what I have lost. Is it really possible to get that part of me back? Maybe the real journey is to make peace with my new reality and not with losing you. Maybe it is unrealistic to expect some sort of miraculous healing after just two months. 

I have so many questions as to why you had to leave so early, but I remind myself that many people have to deal with the same loss every day; why am I any different. The funny thing about death is that it’s inevitable and we all know we’ll face it at some point, but once we’re confronted by it we’re left speechless with shock. 

I am left with so many questions as to why you had to suffer so much and again I remind myself that there is always someone else out there with more pain. In a way I am convincing myself that I am sharing in your pain by doing this Camino and putting my body through this agony.  

I am scared to find healing again because I am afraid that if I am truly happy you’ll think I have forgotten. 

Even though I have always been focused on doing my own thing in life, you provided me with a sense of security and love that cannot be replaced now and this makes me so unsure of what to do next. My aim was always to make you proud. 

I guess in the end, no matter how far I walk, reality won’t change and that is what I need to deal with. 

Just please know that I will never ever forget you. 

Camino de Santiago Napolean Route 

After more than 24 hours of non-stop traveling, I finally started my Camino  today.  Walking out of Saint Jean Pied de Port I felt an incredible sense of freedom as I started my trek towards Roncevalles.  To make things even better, the Napoleon route finally opened after a very cold and snowy winter.  

Starting at the bottom towards Orrison I could not help but pause every now and again just to take in the breathtaking views.   The winding road making it’s way up the mountain gives one a very false expectation of what lies ahead. 

Once I got to Orrison and stopped for a quick coffee, I thought to myself that this route is definitely not as tough as I was told.  The very deceiving winding road then takes one even further up the mountain.  

At one point I stopped to remove my jacket as it was becoming too hot.  I was so happy with the amazing sunny Spring day that made the views even more spectacular.  About 45 minutes later, as I was starting to walk up to what I thought was the mountain peak, I was suddenly hit with the iciest wind.   From there I slowly started realizing that this route was not showing me all there is to know.

This is where the fun really started!  I felt like a true adventurer as I struggled to find my way through the snow. 

From here on the climb just did not stop and ultimately I found myself sinking into the snow at a height level of 1300 meter.  Many people decided to take the Valcarlos route as it is much easier, however even though this route was really tough, I loved every second of it.      

As I made my way down the mountain into Roncesvalles, already stiff from the walk, I had only one thing in mind: Ice cold beer!